This is a post about why I regretted our gender reveal party. Please don’t tell my mother (the extraordinary woman who put the whole party together)
Don’t get me wrong. The party was AMAZING.
From the decorations, to the food, the reveal, everything was perfect and so much fun.
A gender reveal party is such a great way to celebrate your baby with your friends and family, and of course, find out your baby’s gender!
Today there are so many gender reveal party ideas to choose from. I’m not knocking gender reveal parties at all. I still love them and I want to have another one for our next baby.
However, I did have a regret about ours and I want to share that with you so you can consider it before your party.
Why I Regretted Our Gender Reveal Party
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What we did
At our ultrasound we made it very clear that we did not want to be told the gender.
But instead, asked for her to write it down and seal it in an envelope.
Not opening that envelope was one of the hardest things I have ever had to resist.
Now, we live in Massachusetts and my family lives in New York.
So, I had to mail that envelope to my mother. She had to bring it to a bakery and instruct them to fill cupcakes with pink frosting if it’s a girl and blue frosting if it’s a boy, with white frosting on top so we couldn’t see.
If you want to do this reveal make it very clear that everyone in the bakery knows not to tell whoever is picking up the cupcake what color is inside.
As obvious as it may seem, I have read one sad story online of a bakery worker slipping up. Saying something along the lines of here’s your cake with the pink cream inside.
Luckily that did not happen to us.
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How it went
Like I said, the party was AMAZING.
My mother is a saint and she gets so excited. She goes above and beyond for me and I love her to death. And of course other family members helped too and I just feel so blessed to have these wonderful people in my life.
Once everyone had arrived Devin and I each had a cupcake and our guests were standing on the lawn holding pink and blue balloons.
They were instructed to let go of the pink balloons if they saw blue frosting, or let go of the blue balloons if they saw pink frosting so our photographer could get a picture of all pink or all blue balloons.
As you can see, with the excitement of the reveal itself there was confusion with the balloon situation.
But that wasn’t the regret, I actually loved that part.
When I look at this picture I just laugh because it brings me back to that moment and everyone’s reactions were just priceless.
Devin and I both bit into our cupcakes at the same time and saw the pink frosting!
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So everything went perfectly. Just as planned.
After the reveal we ate great food and everyone was talking about our future with our little baby girl and giving us advice.
It was a lot of fun.
So what is there to regret?
Well, as you can probably guess by mom and dads blue shirts, we were guessing boy.
I thought I had very good mothers intuition. I just had the strongest feeling that we were going to have a boy first.
For the first five months of the pregnancy we had it in our minds and our thoughts about the future that we were going to have a son.
We would even talk about him and use the name we picked out when we did.
Of course we knew there was a 50/50 chance and we could be wrong. We talked about that and how we might feel and we both said that as much as we would like to have a boy first we really didn’t care either way.
We weren’t disappointed that we were having a girl.
I’ll never admit to that because it’s not true, I was excited.
But there was this feeling, it’s hard to explain but if I had to give it a name I guess I would say loss.
Im sure my pregnancy hormones had me a little emotional but as excited as I was that we were going to have a girl I also felt like I was saying goodbye to the boy I thought we were having.
I won’t speak for Devin but I remember him explaining having a weird feeling on our ride home that was similar to mine.
So I would say our regret was…
Not finding out the gender before the party.
I would never take back the party but I wish Devin and I had found out at the ultrasound and threw the party to reveal the surprise to our friends and family.
It being my first pregnancy I just didn’t know that in that moment, when we find out, I didn’t want to be in front of a group of people.
For us, I feel like it was a private moment we should have shared, just the two of us in the doctor’s office.
That way we would have had time to wrap our heads around it together and sort out or emotions, instead of feeling like we were on a stage.
RELATED READING: What I Should Have Done Before Baby Arrived
Plans for next time
I have to say it again, I loved my gender reveal party.
I definitely want to have another one. Since I don’t live close to my family I jump at any opportunity for us all to get together.
Next time though I definitely think Devin and I will find out at the ultrasound, excluding us from the surprise.
So, just something to think about if you’re thinking about having a gender reveal party.
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18 thoughts on “Why I Regretted Our Gender Reveal Party”
We’re having a gender reveal party this Sunday for our first baby and we find out the gender tomorrow. When we told people we are going to know only a few people haven’t told us not to or that us knowing is dumb. Neither my husband nor I are really emotional people and we’re pretty private, so we know we won’t have the reactions everyone will be looking for, we didn’t really have much of one when we found out I was pregnant. We put a lot of thought into even having a party and only are because family and friends want us to and it is a very easy way to tell lots of people at one time.
Everyone’s different and will have their own feelings or opinions about it. Whether you want to know or don’t I think getting family and friends together to celebrate anything is a good idea. Hope you have a fun party!
Totally agree. We didn’t have one because we’re introverts. But my friend did and it was definitely a surprise to her that she was having a boy… She told me she cried later that night, but I’m sure she was probably just trying to keep it together during the party!
Thank you for sharing Jamie. It must have been hard for your friend to hide how she was feeling. Defintely something to consider before having a gender reveal party.
I am pregnant with my 5th boy. We did a gender reveal for this baby and our 4th. We knew the gender both times and threw the party to tell our family and friends. I would never change a thing about it. We chose to know the gender because of this exact reason. It’s not that we’re disappointed that we’re having another boy (because we’re over the moon about it and really just want another baby to raise), it’s because we wanted that time to find out together and let all the emotions settle in as you have described in your blog post. Do what you need to do next time and don’t let others tell you it’s the wrong way to do it. Congratulations on tour baby girl!
Thank you Rachel, and thank you for sharing your story! Congratulations on your 5th baby, you’re a super mom!
I can say my gender reveal was real stressful! My sister in law wanted to know the gender but my husband and I knew that she couldn’t keep a secret.. And she would ruin the whole surprise… So we had (2) female family members.. My sister in-law was really upset that she didn’t come with us to the second ultrasound to find out the gender.. but we just wanted her to be surprised along with us… One of the family members quits on me.. I feel it was too much for her to handle.. Everything turned out great but I was glad the reveal was done and over in the end..
Hi Edith! I can definitely see how that was stressful for you. I hope you still enjoyed your party! Thanks for sharing.
I just found out I’m pregnant with my 3rd. I have 2 boys. My husband and I decided beforehand that this would be our last and we originally had the thought that we would find out with everyone else since the previous 2 we found out beforehand, we wanted to do something different for our final gender reveal. However, now that I am pregnant, I kinda want to find out first. I think I’ll be okay if it’s another boy, it’s more having to process and find out in front of everyone, on top of dealing with reactions that I think might be disappointed we’re not having a girl…hearing comments like “oh, three boys, you’ll have your hands full” might hurt my pregnant feelings. I still want to have a reveal regardless of the gender because it’s a great way to involve everyone and celebrate your pregnancy, but I totally agree with your feelings on the matter. Being able to get your thoughts and feelings in check beforehand helps you celebrate with everyone when they find out. Thanks for writing.
I completely agree! Thanks for reading.
I’m not pregnant yet but if I do become pregnant I plan on doing a gender reveal party. I have had several miscarriages so I planned on the gender reveal to also be the reveal that I’m pregnant. I know hiding a pregnancy that long can be difficult but it’s to stressful to have anyone other than my husband and myself know when we’ve gone through so much. I thought it would be a good way to announce both the pregnancy and gender.
So sorry you’ve been through so much Lynette. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for reading.
We found out before our gender reveal party and I’m so glad we did! I was sooooo convinced it was a girl, and it was, but I knew if it was a boy I’d be grieving the loss of the idea of a girl…if that makes sense! It wasn’t that I wouldn’t be excited for a boy, but more so that I had been imagining my daughter and would have to refocus. I didn’t want to be “refocusing” in front of cameras, family and friends!
Exactly! Thanks for sharing Lindsey.
Thank you for sharing! We want to do a gender reveal for family but I have been in this pickle whether to be surprised at the same time or do it privately with my husband first. I think I would have similar emotions. That has helped confirm my decision for our reveal!
Thank you much!!
So glad I could help 😊
I’m 17 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. The 1st is a 5 yr old girl. Hubby and I didn’t have a preference for gender first time round, we were just too happy that God granted us be parents. This time though, we have our hearts set on a boy. We had no plans for another child until our daughter nagged us for a brother and the idea really grew on us. It took a full 12 months after I left my contraceptive to fall pregnant and we are ecstatic. He has a name. It is a he in all our heads so I’m admitting that my little fam will be disappointed if he turns out to be a she. We’re finding out the gender tomorrow and also want the doc to write it down and seal it. We’ll have a gender reveal live on video as we’re in day 112 of lockdown due to Covid19. Wish us well please.
I just wanted to thank you for your post and discussing this. I’m currently 14w and so glad I read your experience. It’s a sensitive subject because on one hand there is a lot of pressure now days for a big (insta-worthy) gender reveal party, but at the same time I felt like I didn’t want to find out in front of a bunch of friends and family. Of course as long as baby was healthy I said I didn’t prefer either gender but had secretly been hoping for a girl. About 5 days before we got my NIPT test back I had a dream it was a boy and just knew in my heart after that it’s a boy….and sure enough test came back boy! My husband and I are beyond thrilled, but at the same time I am so grateful I had the time and privacy to process my emotions before we reveal to our friends and family (also very happy it wasn’t in front of a camera)! I think gender reveal decisions are like motherhood- everyone has to decide what is right for themselves. As a first time mom, I’m glad I was able to find advice from other moms experiences. It allowed me and my husband to think about our options and choose what was best for us.