Are you one of those people guilty of saying, “I’ll never do that when I have kids”.
I know I’m guilty and now that I’m a parent I’ll be the first to admit that I was wrong.
There are so many things I’ve done as a mother that I never thought I would do.
Some I swore I wouldn’t do and others just never crossed my mind.
If you’re a seasoned mom you’ll be able to relate to this post and chuckle along with me.
But if you’re expecting your first child and wondering what you’re in for, well then mama this post if for you.
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15 Things You Didn’t Know You’d Do As A Mom
1.) You’ll pick your babies nose.
I remember my aunt picking her baby’s nose and thinking it was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen.
Then she tells me, ”Just wait until you have a baby, you’ll do it too.” I would have bet her a million dollars she was wrong.
Now I can’t even tell you how many times I picked Alexa’s nose when she was a baby and didn’t think twice about it.
2.) You’ll let your baby roll off the couch onto the floor.
And you will feel like the biggest monster in the world.
You’ll panic and call the doctor and think she has a concussion or terrible brain bleed.
But you’ll be wrong because babies are resilient little creatures.
Moms aren’t perfect and that’s okay.
3.) You’ll sniff a butt.
You’re going to pick up that chubby cute little blob so many times to shove your nose right in their little tushy.
How else will you check if they’ve pooped?
Pinch the diaper and pull it back with your thumb to look?
Okay yea, you do that. Let me know how it goes 😉
4.) You’ll develop ninja moves of silence.
When you have a baby you will have almost no time to yourself.
So when your child is sleeping you will do anything to not wake them up in order to cherish a few more measly minutes clutching a cup of coffee alone in peace and quiet.
This will include memorizing every creek in your homes floors and prancing about your house like a silent ninja to avoid stepping on them.
I suggest you start practicing now.
5.) You will at multiple times be covered in bodily fluids that are not your own.
Vomit, pee and poop.
Try with all your might but it will inevitably happen to you.
On the plus side you’ll likely just wash it off and be too tired to care that it happen at all.
6.) You’ll lie…a lot.
Anyone who thinks they won’t lie to their kids needs a reality check.
I lie to my child so much and I have no regrets.
Some of my favorites include.
“If you don’t stop doing that I’m going to call Santa”
“No I did not throw it away I promise”
“If you don’t brush your teeth tonight they will all fall out and you won’t be able to eat every again”
Feel free to use any of those. No royalties.
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7.) You will be late to almost everything.
Because you’ll have to break out a MMA style wrestling match to get your child out of the striped pants and polka dot shirt and into something reasonable.
And did you know that all toddlers want to do things on their own? Including climb into their own car seat which they enjoy doing at a snails pace.
I could give you a million other scenarios but just believe me it’ll happen.
8.) You’ll feed your child fast food.
I said I would NEVER do it.
Now I shutter at the thought of someone discovering my child’s collection of McDonald’s toys.
9.) You will lose your temper.
I thought that no matter what, any problem with my child could be solved with proper communication.
But that takes more patience than is humanly possible.
Although I try as hard as I possibly can sometimes my strong willed child just pushes me over the edge and I just snap.
10.) You will have to carry a thrashing screaming child out of a public place.
I thought that my parenting skills were going to be so good that things would never get to that point.
Anyone who thinks that does not understand the molecular structure of a toddler.
They are made of pure fire, endurance, noise and something sticky.
You will have no choice and you will have to pick them up and leave.
11.) You will break the rules of screen time.
The screen time rules in my home are so broken I can’t even remember what they are.
But you know what? My daughter is happy, healthy, active, and intelligent.
So I don’t care.
12.) You’ll let your car get disgusting.
You’ve got the baby and the diaper bag.
If you’re lucky you might be able to clench onto a toy long enough to get it inside.
Once you’re inside you’ve already forgotten about the rest of the garbage in the car because your dealing with a diaper blow out.
And it piles up, and piles up and piles up.
Before you know it you’re the mom with the gross car.
Just embrace it.
13.) You’ll let yourself go.
Whether it’s skipping a shower every now and then, only ever wearing your hair up, or losing all your muscle definition.
I’m not talking indefinitely. I don’t want to scare you and I think self care is important.
Just saying other things take priority and your standards for yourself lower just a bit.
14.) You’ll hide to be able to eat something.
Whether it’s junk you just told your child they couldn’t have or it’s your lunch you just don’t want to share.
You will hide to be able to eat something in your own home.
15.) You’ll love more than you ever thought was humanly possible.
Despite all of that you will fall madly in love with your children.
It’s a love like no other and it’s stronger than anything you could imagine.
It’s wonderful and beautiful and makes all the chaos worth it.
What have you done as a mom that you said you’d never do? Let us know in the comments below!
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